How this One Realization about Pleasure Changed my Life
I was dependent on pleasure.
Pleasure used to be something I mostly received from the outside. I had little control over it. On the other hand, by giving pleasure it was me in the powerful position. Through giving pleasure I was filling up a pleasure account in my head. I expected that the “pleasure debt” would naturally be repaid, so I rarely specifically asked for something I wanted to receive.
I kept giving (sex, time, work…), but didn’t receive in the way I wanted to. Instead of just asking for what I wanted I became angry, frustrated, and resentful. I wanted people to guess my desires and fulfil them perfectly. In my opinion being dissatisfied, overworked or sad should clearly be enough for them to know what I wanted — and incline them to fulfil my needs à la “If they truly wanted me to be happy, they should make me happy.”.
Needless to say, that this approach didn’t yield the desired results.
Slowly, I realized that the source of my pleasure is actually ME. My body and mind create, enhance, change, suppress, enable pleasure. I wasn’t dependent on an outside source any more, but I am fully in charge of my pleasure myself. This had always been the case, but I hadn’t realized and embodied it.
Intellectual knowing isn’t enough. It needs integration.
This might look like a small thing on the outside, for me, however, everything changed.
I am responsible for my pleasure.
I am responsible for my suffering.
I am responsible for my experience.
I am responsible for my emotions.
I am responsible for my life.
I call myself sex and pleasure coach, yet what I do is so much deeper than that (and sexuality is already pretty deep and intimate).
I help women to feel radiantly alive.
I support women to live their desires.
I create a loving space of exploration and possibility.
That is why my message to the world is not specific to sex, but is rooted in choice:
You have the freedom to choose yourself, trust yourself and love yourself now.
You don’t need to wait for anything to start pursuing your dreams.
You don’t need permission from anybody to recognize and express your authentic being.
The choice is yours — always. Yet until you realize this, your life will be more painful than it needs to be — like it was for me.
My message doesn’t talk about living the right life, instead it talks about living your life.
If you are ready to explore what your life could look like, start with deepening your body awareness and train your mental awareness with my free guided body meditation.
With love,
Maria
Originally published at https://mariahubmann.com on May 12, 2020.
